where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
