there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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