new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
