If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
