How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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