They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she woke up with a sticky ear
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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