i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The cops high fived after they tackled you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
