a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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