She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
