I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
