does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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