You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How does it feel to date your dad?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
