yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
