We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We're too hungover to prance.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
