so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
