i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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