I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
