so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
