I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
