we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
