in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
