Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
