he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sober January is a disaster.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
