Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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