for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
