Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
