omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
