I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I love you.
Bad choice
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
