I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
