I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
