Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
