My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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