I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
