all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
