There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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