I showed him my bush... on skype.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
