I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
