Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
