she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Someone came in the potted fern
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
