if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
