i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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