Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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