It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
