I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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