that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
