Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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