Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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