I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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