he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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