I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
